Still sad.

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

— Lemony Snicket

When you find that you can't feel very much now...it's because you felt too much before. And when you feel that you just don't care now...it's because you cared too much before. -Unknown

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”         -Mercedes Lackey

The funeral is over and all is done.  She is gone.  I am still struggling with it a bit.  I am at peace with the fact that she is in heaven and not suffering.  I am so disgusted with how my dad's family acted through the whole ordeal. It was a hot mess.  I was made to feel like I did something wrong...didn't go see her enough....didn't care enough.  I know none of this is true but it still hurts hearing the blame is on me. 

I got accused of laughing at their outfits at the funeral....i got accused of telling Karley who we do and don't like in the family at hospice.  It's very disturbing to think that they would make up such nasty lies.  I don't have any intention of seeing this side of the family again--not just because of the things mentioned above but for several other reasons as well.  It still doesn't feel good though.  I try my hardest to teach Karley that the old phrase  "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"   isn't true.  I think the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words hurt so much deeper" is much more appropriate.  

Enough about that.....

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This past weekend we added phase 2 to our deck.  It is beautiful!  No more little concrete slab for the Zimmerman's!  Now we just need some rails so the kids don't fall off!   I will take a picture and upload it so you all can see this masterpiece that Todd, my dad and our neighbor worked all weekend on.  Not now though,  I am off to drive the carpool to dance. 

Have a great week!

Obituary and thoughts

Martha Dickinson



Martha Dickinson, 86, Topeka, died Saturday, April 23, 2001, at Midland Hospice House. Martha was born December 1, 1924, in Glen Elder, the daughter of Archie and Daisy (McCrory) Taylor. She married Max Dickinson on August 8, 1943. He preceded her in death in 1975. They had two children, Joleen (Ned) Nusbaum and John (Pat) Dickinson, both of Topeka. She had 4 grandchildren, Nancy Nusbaum, Atlanta, GA; Matt (Stacia) Nusbaum, Washington, DC; Kelly (Todd) Zimmerman, Topeka; Jamie Dickinson, Mission; and great-granddaughter, Karley Zimmerman. Martha was from a family that included two sisters and three brothers. One sister, Phyllis Weidenhaft, Glen Elder, survives. Her sister-in-law, Wanda Taylor, Abilene, also survives. She had many nieces and nephews. After graduating from Glen Elder High School, and moving to Topeka, she and her husband, Max, operated their own business for 6 years. Martha joined the clerical world of work starting at Topeka State Bank and became a part of Topeka Public Schools clerical staff in 1959. She was the first employee to work at the new Topeka West High School being built and to open in the fall of 1961. She served as a main office secretary and bookkeeper at Topeka West High School for 26 years, retiring in 1987. After her retirement, Martha enjoyed scheduling trips and acting as a tour guide for the Retired Teachers Association of Topeka. She enjoyed other post retirement jobs, working part time at the Jones Store and Lovin and Learnin Toy Store. She volunteered and served on the Normandy Condominium Homeowners Board of Directors for several years before moving to Aldersgate Village Independent Living in 2006. Martha was a lifelong member of the Crestview United Methodist Church and enjoyed playing cards with friends and watching college and professional sports. Graveside services will be held at 1:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 27, 2011, at Mount Hope Cemetery. Martha will lie in state at Penwell-Gabel Mid Town Chapel after 2:00 p.m. on Tuesday and visitation will be from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. Memorial contributions may be made to the Good Samaritan Fund at Aldersgate Village, 7220 SW Asbury Drive, Topeka, Kansas 66614. To leave a special message for the family online, visit www.PenwellGabelTopeka.com. Martha Dickinson

Published in Topeka Capital-Journal on April 25, 2011
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Update:
 
SO, typical of the Topeka Capitol Journal to have the date she passed away as 2001.  Seriously?  We are all doing as well as can be expected.  We were all very lucky to be with her at Hospice right before she passed away.  I have nothing but amazing things to say about this facility.  I was a bit worried that Karley would be freaked out seeing her GG like that but she was so intent on going to see her before she died.  She walked right up to her and grabbed her hand and said "Hi GG!  It's Karley!"  My grandma (who hadn't responded to many things the past day) Looked right at Karley and said: "How are you?"  It was amazing and sad.   I was so glad this happened because right when we walked in the room she was saying
"Let me go! Let me go!"  It was awful.  We could tell she was at the point where it wasn't going to be much longer.  I am grateful she didn't suffer much.  She had a great 86 years and will be missed so very much. 
 
For those of you who don't know, she fell in the nursing home a month or so ago and went to the hospital that day.  They got her all put back together (rehab for her legs, etc.) and sent her home a week ago Friday telling us that she would be better.  On Saturday my dad got a phone call that she was not doing well.  She went back to the hospital where they found out that her kidneys and heart were failing.  It was then that we were given the  news there wasn't anything they could do for her.  She was transferred to Hospice on Thursday and passed away on Saturday.  The day she passed away, my cousins, Matt (from DC) and Nancy (from Atlanta) and my sister came home and were able to say goodbye also.  Thank God for that!!!
Please keep us in your prayers as we go through these next couple of days. 

Martha Dickinson

Today the world lost an amazing lady.  RIP Grandma.  You are already missed. 

Upcoming Concerts!!

In just 5 short weeks I am taking a girl trip to Dallas to see these 2 bands.  I AM SO EXCITED!  It will be a long weekend away before school is out.  First up is Super Diamond. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE Neil Diamond.  This is a tribute band that I hear is absolutely Awesome.   I have been refreshing myself on the good old Neil Diamond songs just in case I make it up to the stage. :)  This concert is in Dallas at the House of Blues. 

 The second concert is the next night in Addison, Texas.  Third Eye Blind.  This is Sarah's absolute favorite band of all time.  The are preforming at this food and wine festival the night after Super Diamond so we bought our tickets and are ready to go! 

Can't wait Ladies!  This is going to be so much fun!!! 

Finally Backtracking with photos!

Karley and I on my birthday.  She made the cute little picture for me in the background.

Mr. Man.  Don't let him fool you--he's a total spoiled brat.

This is us at Karley's first basketball game.  She loved basketball!!

AHH!  An action shot!  She is too cute for words!

Getting ready to board the plane for Oklahoma.  She is on the phone with TZ

Tater-Tot, Sarah and I.  We had such a good time!

Karley and Austin at the movie theatre

Headed home.  Such a diva

Getting ready to go sledding. 

Kar, Kylie and Kayden playing in the snow.

Karley and Madison at the 2nd skating party of the year.

Brave.  He is trying some proubsky's pickles for the first time.  He LOVES them now!

Heather, Macie and Tynlee at the baby shower Jessica and I had for the Osiers. 

Miss Sas-a-fras at the baby shower.

Sunni, Curt and Gage came to visit us!  We love them!!

Chris and Sarah.  We tried In-n-Out burger for the first time!  YUM

Us.  Same delicious place.

Karley and my papa and nana

Some of my family at my cousin's wedding. So fun!

Kar and aunt Jamie

Tearing it up on the dance floor!

Kel, Jamie and Cousin Charley

.Whew!  I told you we have been busy!  Last weekend Todd and Karley headed to the Tulip Time festivals in Belle Plaine and I stayed in T-town to meet some girls from College.  We were going to do dinner and drinks but ended up doing dinner and ice cream with a little gossip hour (or 2!)  in between.  We have turned into a bunch of little old ladies!  I am so lucky to have these girls.  We have so much fun!!!

They started digging on my parents house last week and are ready to pour the basement.  It is going to go super fast from here and we are all excited to see some progress.  I will definitely post photos as the progression happens. 

Happy Tuesday!  Enjoy your week

Miss Camri Osier (and other randoms)

Uploaded photos from my I phone today.  It's a start.  The first thing I want to blog about is this sweet little new face.  Her name is Camri Louise Osier and she was born on April 4th weighing 6lbs 2 ozs.  I love her already and I was so incredibly lucky to be a part of her birth.  It is an amazing honor.  Heather (and Mark) both did great.  It was a pretty stress free labor and delivery (unlike their 3rd child!) I was in the delivery room for that one too and their little Macie was a stubborn little thing!  I can't quit smiling every time I see this picture.  What a cute face!!

 Here is Heather, Camri and I after the delivery. Love, Love, Love....

 Awwww!!! I can't get enough of her already!  What I wouldn't do for another one!! 

 I snapped this photo of Mark holding his 3rd daughter for the first time.  It was so sweet. 

Ummm.  Not sure how this photo came into play.  I can't figure out for the life of me how to delete it either.  SO, lucky you!  You now know what my new dining room table looks like!  Now back to the story.

Only not back to the awesome birth story.  Apparently my blog thought this picture needed to be uploaded as well.  This was the sky on Sunday night right before the nasty wind/tornado/dust bunny mess that damaged so much on our block and neighborhood.  There were swing sets and trampolines flying.  There were fences and roofs flying.  It was dramatic and quite possibly one of the coolest things i have ever seen in my life (right after I figured out that Karley was in the house, safe and sound)  I promise the wind would have picked her up and thrown her into the field down the street.  Thank God she was safe.  We were also very lucky to have little damage.  The roof and gutter got a little banged up.  The trampoline was wrapped around the air conditioner unit and under the gutter but that's it.  Some of our neighbors were not so lucky. 

AHHHHH!!  Back to little Miss Camri Osier.  She is a tiny little bundle of perfect. 

Okay.  What else have we been up to?  My cousin, Jeremy got married a couple of weekends ago and it was such a fun wedding.  I still am shocked that he is MARRIED.  Never would of thought he would settle down.  We love Melissa.  She is so good for him.  Congrats guys! 
Here is Karley and Chase waiting at the Church.  They are the best of friends. 

So on the first day it actually warmed up the neighbor kids were all begging to have a lemonade stand on the corner.  SO who do they convince to make it/ set it up and help them with it?  Me.  SUCKER!!!  They lasted about an hour and made about 5 dollars which they all agreed the proceeds should be donated to the animal shelter.  How awesome is that??  Such Big hearts!

Karley really loves to read.  Between reading and making up her own dances that she will do for almost anyone she has been one busy girl.  I love this picture.  She will lay in bed and read until she falls asleep. 

TZ had a birthday last weekend.  The old man has been looking at basketball goals for the past 3-4 years now so we finally broke down and got him one.  He couldn't wait to put it up.  It was set in concrete and completely put up by Sunday afternoon.  Right before the wind/tornado/dust bunny storm.  Good news!  It made it through the storm.  WHEW!

AHHH!  Vegas! Look at Sarah and I at the roulette table!  We rocked it! 

Sarah preferred the slots.  Especially this one which was not really that nice to her.  She was very loyal to this machine too.  So loyal we came up with a name for her. Meet Jenny. 
Note to all going to Vegas:  Stay away from Jenny.  She will take all your money and give you nothing in return. 
By the end of the trip we wanted to tip Jenny over and put her in the trash. 

This is where TZ hung out most of the time.  The sports area.  KSU played a few games while we were there.  I think this was his favorite spot. 

We took the bus one afternoon to the downtown area.  Here is Chris and Todd right before the light show.  I love this place!

Here is Sarah and I at the Paris Casino. 

Holy Big Slot!  Looks like someone hit the jackpot right when we took this photo.  Sadly it was not us. 

While we were in Vegas Karley had her last basketball game where she got 5 rebounds and made 3 baskets.  Here she is with her coach. 

Another random photo.  It is very appropriate for me though.  LOVE IT!

Karley went to Belle Plaine for a tea party with princess Madison and Grandma Debbie.  The had a good time playing and hanging out. 

That's all for now.  I gotta run to watch night at dance.  Hopefully TZ will get my actual camera uploaded soon and I can post some more pictures soon. 

falling behind.

Sorry.  I am so far behind on the blogging thing.  I have a computer that isn't working when i have time for it to and so i haven't been able to upload any photos.  Oh Hell, who am I kidding?  I have been having so much fun that I haven't had to time to blog....period.

Here is a little photo of Karley and I dancing at my cousin, Jeremy's wedding reception a couple of weeks ago.  What a fun day that was! 

I'll update more sooner or later.  Maybe....:)