Still sad.

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

— Lemony Snicket

When you find that you can't feel very much now...it's because you felt too much before. And when you feel that you just don't care now...it's because you cared too much before. -Unknown

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”         -Mercedes Lackey

The funeral is over and all is done.  She is gone.  I am still struggling with it a bit.  I am at peace with the fact that she is in heaven and not suffering.  I am so disgusted with how my dad's family acted through the whole ordeal. It was a hot mess.  I was made to feel like I did something wrong...didn't go see her enough....didn't care enough.  I know none of this is true but it still hurts hearing the blame is on me. 

I got accused of laughing at their outfits at the funeral....i got accused of telling Karley who we do and don't like in the family at hospice.  It's very disturbing to think that they would make up such nasty lies.  I don't have any intention of seeing this side of the family again--not just because of the things mentioned above but for several other reasons as well.  It still doesn't feel good though.  I try my hardest to teach Karley that the old phrase  "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"   isn't true.  I think the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words hurt so much deeper" is much more appropriate.  

Enough about that.....

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This past weekend we added phase 2 to our deck.  It is beautiful!  No more little concrete slab for the Zimmerman's!  Now we just need some rails so the kids don't fall off!   I will take a picture and upload it so you all can see this masterpiece that Todd, my dad and our neighbor worked all weekend on.  Not now though,  I am off to drive the carpool to dance. 

Have a great week!